Soul Ties Vs Soul Mates

Soul ties are spiritual links between people once they engage in intense emotional and

physical intimacy. Let us fragment the concept of emotional intimacy.

When we club the terms intimacy to emotions, as a layman, what we understand is sharing authentic thoughts and feelings with another. Some examples are sharing your deepest fears, dreams, past disappointments, complicated emotions with someone whom you feel

the most comfortable with. Let me term it as "the safe place".

A soul mate is "The safe place" between two people is an emotional bond formed naturally. Let me give you an instance here. In my previous blog, I shed light on the concept of fear of being vulnerable and being judged. When you are in a safe place with a person, you become the most pure and raw version of yourself. We stop feeling fearful of being inadequate in any aspect.

Let me give you a peek into my experience.

I have claustrophobia: a fear of enclosed places. So,whenever I am travelling in an

airplane or in an elevator, I am at my wits end. The fear engulfs me to a state of panic. So,I was travelling to San Francisco which was a 16 hour journey with my family a few years ago. I boarded the flight and was belted up ready for take off, seated on the window seat(my favourite

spot to see the airport and city lights as the Image Courtesy:spiritvineretreats.com

plane disappears in the flurry clouds.

All of a sudden,I got this thought, what if the airplane exit doors don't open and are jammed. I started palpitating and getting bouts of anxious thoughts, I told my sister about it and she calmed me down by distracting my mind telling me about her solo trip experiences and other small talk.

I felt at ease and a sense of peace after which, I started watching the in-flight entertainment options and was relaxed.

The above is a classic example of a soul mate. My sister knew how to handle my inhibitions and fears and did not judge me, belittle me for what panics me. In fact, she knew how to "calm my demons" in an empathetic way and help overcome my fears. Me, feeling a sense of calm and being completely myself with her shows that we share a deeper bond which is the soulmate bond.

So to summarize what does it feel like to be with a soulmate:

#1 They are your best friend i.e. you trust them and completely yourself around them.

#2 You feel a sense of peace around them.

#3 You have shared empathy for one another.

#4 You respect each others flaws and balance them out.

Image Courtesy: https://hernorm.com/

#5 You challenge each other to be the highest version of yourself.

#6 You understand each others emotional languages.

#7 You feel safe around them: physically, emotionally and intellectually.

So to conclude, a soulmate is someone i.e. family, friends, romantic partner,colleagues or any form of bond with a/any person where one feels a deep and natural affinity where you feel enriched and encouraged to grow into a higher state of consciousness.

Let us now understand what is a soul tie. Contrary to the concept of a soul mate, where one feels comfortable in their skin and "feels like home" feeling, a soul tie can be demonic.

The reason I use the term demonic, is because it is the unhealthy attachment one feels to someone. More like,latching onto someone out of fear.

As per Dr. Daniel Amen mentioned in his book, “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” “Whenever a person is sexually involved with another person, neurochemical changes occur in both their brains that encourage limbic, emotional bonding. Limbic bonding is the reason casual sex doesn’t really work for most people on a whole mind and body level. Two people may decide to have sex ‘just for the fun of it.’ So what happens post the activity between the two people. Let us understand.

Through my research and knowledge gained, sex is enhancing an emotional bond between two people post the activity whether they want it or not. One person, often the woman, is bound to form an attachment and will be hurt when a casual affair ends. One of the many reasons for the woman in the relationship is hurt most is because the female limbic system is larger than the man’s.

So what is the limbic system? According to a research paper by Bryon Adnioff et al named "Gender differences in limbic responsiveness, by SPECT, following a pharmacologic challenge in healthy subjects" - The limbic system is the part of the brain that controls our behavioural and emotional responses. It regulates the pulse, the blood pressure and the heart rate.The limbic system is primarily responsible for our emotional life and formation of memories. There have been various studies that show that there are differences in limbic system responses between men and women. Research states that, women having a larger limbic system than men and hence, are more in touch with feelings and are able to express these feelings better than men.

Let us understand what is the innate aspect of a soul tie. When two people indulge in sexual practices,a piece of your sex partner (the good, bad, and ugly) stays with you (and vice versa) for the rest of your life. You can only imagine what it looks like when you bond with multiple partners. That is why, many people after indulging in coitus, mysteriously longing for the sexual partner even if, there is no emotional aspect attached to it.

As stated above,one experiences a latching onto someone out of fear. A certified sex therapist, De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSW, CST, states that, "Often it's thought to happen after you have intercourse with someone," she notes, adding it's often presented from a very cisgender,heteronormative perspective.

She goes on to say that "soul ties," at least in regard to sex, are really attachments in disguise and "an over-spiritualization of normal feelings." Additionally, although the bonding hormone oxytocin released during an orgasm, not all sexual partners go on to feel emotionally bonded to each other after the experience".

Hence, to summarize the differential parameters of soulmates and soul ties.I can conclude that in a soul tie- there is a physical chemistry between two people that is a vice for the soul and soulmate is someone who is emotionally aligned on a higher self level of an individual which nourishes the soul. In our lifetimes, we encounter both soul ties and soulmate connections.