Empaths and Narcissists in a Relationship:The straw that broke the camel's back?

Ever seen a vulture prey on their food? Unlike many birds lacking a sense of smell,a vulture can sniff out a dead critter from a mile away. Vultures being the world's largest flying birds, often prey on extremely sick and wounded prey because vultures are said to have weak feet and legs, hence, they do not like to chase their prey,rather they gorge on an "easy victim" for a meal.

Supplementary to the stated example,I would like to reiterate it to the relationship between an empath and a narcissist. Empaths and narcissists are polar opposite personality types that are attracted to one another as they feed off each other's traits and energy. Take a candle and try letting it burn in a room full of CO2? It will not stay lit for a second, that is because the candle needs oxygen to keep aflame. Empaths are the oxygen ventilators for a narcissist's survival.

So who are empaths and who are narcissists?What makes them polar opposites? Let us examine these concepts. Empaths are individuals who are highly sensitive and are attuned to their senses. As they have heightened sensory perceptions, they understand people's emotions, are care takers and are givers in a relationship. Further, empaths are generous and always have a difficulty in saying "no". This let alone trait, the difficulty of saying no makes an empath to over commit to responsibilities and thus,it turns out to be emotionally challenging for an empath to meet their deadlines. Empaths also do not have a built in boundary in their relationships as they always feel to accommodate people's needs and desires,Thus, this allows outside energies to hijack our own energetic field, making it difficult for the empath to meet their own needs before others'.

Not to forget, they love spending time in nature as they feel replenished and they love spending time alone as this is a gateway for the HSPs (empaths are also termed as HSPs- Highly Sensitive People) to recharge their batteries.

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Further, as empaths have a wide open energetic field, the merging of energies with others that surround them is often,beyond their control. Often,this leaves empaths with high energetic heaviness and dissapating self confidence. This is what a narcissist makes an empath feel,when they are in a relationship.

Ploughing on,deconstructing some differential traits of an empath and a narcissist:

#1 Empaths are compassionate,unconditionally loving and are forever forgiving and remain loyal in relationships. Narcissists love to be worshiped and misuse unconditional love through deception and cheating in relationships. #2 Both empaths and narcissists have dark pasts and have traumatic past relationships either with family or lovers.However, empaths condition that trauma positively in the form of giving time and energy to others and making unloved people loved with compassion. Contrary to the empaths thoughts,narcissists carry on the trait of their abusers and become manipulative in their relationships making their romantic interests question their sanity and self worth. #3 Start an argument, the narcissist will make the empath their bait in the argument as the narcissist will argue unreasonably to a point where the empath becomes submissive as the narcissist cannot identify his own flaws and the empath succumbs to the situation and dismisses the argument. In this scenario, there has to be a well drawn emotional distance between the empath and the narcissist.

I would term this relationship as "parasitic"; the reason being the toxic attraction between the empath and narcissist is highly destructive to the relationship. A domino effect is what it is,bound to crumble. This is because the narcissist,unconsciously “love bombs” the people they want to get close to, building them up to feel good around the narcissist, like an addictive substance.

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To put in my two-penny worth of knowledge, I was in a relationship with a narcissist and few repeating patterns that I noticed and beared the brunt for were:

#1 The constant re-assurances. Yes, it took the life out of me; to keep explaining my intentions and not having ulterior motives. I only felt depleted towards the end of it.

#2 The "silent treatment". Towards the end of the relationship,it slowly become one-sided as I kept the communication channels open only to the point where I was ghosted upon and felt discarded.

#3 All the patience, compassion,care, and love, and not to forget the countless hours of my time and energy put into the relation left me more and more exhausted and futile.

#4 The emotional unavailability by demeaning actions such as verbal abuse,extreme anger, ghosting on social media was highly detrimental to my emotional health.

#5 The profound fear of abandonment, the theory of "I left you before you could leave me", created a downward spiral in the relationship and I took on all the blame for the dysfunction of the connection.

As on today's date, when I look back upon the dynamic of this relationship,it brings me tremendous pain.However,I have consciously broken away from this relationship, yet I deeply question myself on the fact that 'how did I ever tolerate being in a relationship with a narcissist.' As an empath,I have consciously started to strengthen my sense of self, create healthy boundaries in my relationships. I certainly value my new found emerging sense of self and now I am highly protective of who I let into my "safe place".