Empaths and Narcissists in a relationship:Dancing with the Devil

The immense attraction between the narcissist and empath cannot seem to shake off as both are drawn to each other like a moth to a flame.Having been dealt with a narcissist myself around 3 years,the journey has been a constant psychosis of what is the premise of the relationship. As an empath, I have always been a giver in relationships,believe in the flow of life and that compassion is strength.

The narcissist thrives on the premise of a certain set of beliefs such as irresistible charm,masking emotions,surface level charisma,highly demanding in relationships and an inflated sense of egocentrism. This leads the narcissist personality to become an exceptional goal achiever,lead a structured life and not to forget to mention,deep anger and rage kept undercover that is unhealthy used as strength and power by the narcissist in relationships.This leads a narcissist personality to become an emotional sponge in their connections. Narcissists,usually,have troubled relationships because behind their false mask of grandiosity lies a fragile self-esteem that makes them vulnerable to a slight drop of criticism.The deep anger and rage is a pre-conditioned thinking pattern from early childhood,due to lack of good parenting and other inner childhood wounds.

On the flipside,empaths deflect unpleasantness and conflicts as innately they are people pleasers.Empaths have a nature-orientation towards taking up the onus of being the fixer in relationships. This is directly co-related to their childhood experiences of being in traumatic and emotionally abusive relationships that caused to thrive in unsafe environments,constantly being emotionally hurt,abandoned and unloved. From early childhood,empaths are conditioned to not express anger out of fear of losing of safety and security that they have.

When these two personalities enter into a relationship,the initial start-up phase of the relationship is purely blissful. The level of admiration the empath provides the narcissist,puts the narcissist on a pedestal. As the empath keeps pouring compassion,becomes utmost caring and communicates their feelings openly,the narcissistic personality starts to weaponize and strategies on these tendencies.However,as time passes,the narcissist starts to become disinterested in the relationship as boredom creeps in and the narcissist slowly starts devalue and take advantage of the empath in emotionally abusive ways.

The disorientation in the relationship starts to build as the narcissist lives by artificial love and charm and solely a condition of compliance based connection,which is contrary to the empath's method of love which is a premise of genuineness and compassion. Reinstating the nature of the empath of being the fixer of the connection, the empath takes up the responsibility to fix and heal the narcissist with compassion,as for empaths,removing someone from their life is an extreme difficult undertaking.

The relationship between the narcissist and the empath is solely a trauma bond based on a push and pull dynamic.As I undertook to do my research on this article, I happened to stumble upon a highly relatable quote:

“But that’s the thing about narcissists. They can try to fool you, with all their heart, but in the end, they’re just fooling themselves.” – Ellie Fox

Some key takeaways from the empath's learning point of view from such a relationship would be:

#1 Empaths must learn to say "NO" and establish strong boundaries. It gives the empath the strength to protect themselves and increased emotional independence in relationships.

#2 Question yourself, "Why did to fall for it and what can you do to rise above from it".

#3 Take accountability for your feelings,thoughts and emotions. As adults,most empaths are afraid of their rage and suppress their emotions to avoid fear of abandonment which is rooted from early childhood years.

#4 Empaths tend to take rage as a form of guilt and shameful feelings. The empath must condition their minds to take rage as form of strength to protect themselves from being emotionally abused in relationships.

# Bottled up rage in empaths,patterns up in the form of co-dependency,over-accountability to others,self-dismissal,self-hatred and self-denial in relationships,and more so,in relationships with a narcissist.

To summaries the article,my two cents of advice,being an empath,would be to create strong boundaries,making emotions their strengths and work on self worthiness,as nobody has the privilege to treat empaths as doormats or to be toyed with.